All is hardcore when made with love

NOW mostly KINDA largely FRIENDS-ONLY

BECAUSE YOU ARE PROBABLY A JERK

Comment to be added and prove you're not a jerk. Yep.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Your Mom!

1. Your Mom can squeeze her entire body through a hole the size of her beak.
2. Some hotels in Las Vegas have Your Mom floating in their swimming pools.
3. The Australian billygoat plum contains a hundred times more Vitamin C than Your Mom.
4. If every star in the Milky Way was a grain of salt they would fill Your Mom.
5. Until the 1960s, Your Mom was not allowed to enter Disneyland.
6. More people are killed by Your Mom each year than die in aeroplane accidents.
7. Your Mom has a bifurcated penis.
8. Europe is the only continent that lacks Your Mom.
9. Native Americans never actually ate Your Mom; killing such a timid prey was thought to indicate laziness!
10. Your Mom is the male seed of a flower blossom which has been gathered and treated by bees.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Dear foreign customers:

I'm sorry, we don't accept Canadian money.

As it is from Canada.

Thank you.

So, hello.

Instead of writing a huge fuck-off post about every tiny thing I've been doing, here is a concise list from when left for Japan in 2008 until now.

1. Moved to Japan. Lost any hope of a stable internet connection because of the shitty, crazy guesthouse I was living in.

I'm planning a series of posts about my fucked-up Japan adventures, but for now, let's just say that where I was living and the people I was living with? Yiiiiiiiiikes.

2. (March-April, 2008) Got a kidney infection. Still don't know why. Almost died and ended up in the hospital for a week. It was boring AND they made me poop in a plastic measuring device.

3. Met guy who I've referred to here as LrB. He was a douche with a LOT OF SEXUAL ISSUES. (Late April, maybe?)

4. Moved into a new apartment after a wonderful, racist adventure that, again, I will write about later (June 2009).

5. We broke up on September 11th, 2009. I forgot...TO CARE. Ahahahaha.

4. Met Ryan on October 18th, 2009. Life starts getting spectacular.

5. December 2009- end up back in the hospital with pneumonia or mono. Japanese medicine apparently cannot separate the two. I miss going to India with my family because I'm too sick to get on the plane.

6. Leave my job at ECC in late March and start at a great new job.

7. Ooops, my lungs gave out! I quit working in the summer of 2010 and Ryan and I decide to move to England, where the weather hurts a lot less.

8. Escape Japan September 21st.

9. Get married October 18th (yep, on our one-year anniversary.)

10. Life is awesome for a consistently long period of time.

11. Ryan gets new job, moves back to the US in May 2011.

12. I move to the US, August 2011.


So, hello from America! More details to follow later in a locked post.

P.S. Did Grandma stop farting?

I think I might get back to posting. Anyone still read this after all this time?

EDIT: I'm gonna go 100 entries back on my FL. Unless there are too many community posts, maybe I can catch up with you guys a little.

To all the people saying shite things about me base don my recent post in customers_suck:

Lulzypops!

Also, I farted. Again. Smelllllll iiiitttt.

Sometimes, I kinda love acting like a troll.

Seriously, the next person to think I'm 18 gets a faceful of PUNCHING.

It's flattering? Yeah, sure, except everyone thinks I'm a CHILD BRIDE!

(My keyboard is crappy and wrote "CHILDBRDE" which I think also sounds like a bad thing to be.)

Oh, and the next person to scream "You're marrrRRRRIIIIEEEED?!" on a rising note gets a faceful of what's left from the people who think I'm a teenager.

That said, shit, I probably could have kept smoking if I look so young.


This week sucks; I had a test and it's "Research Methods" week, which means I've had to get up at 7 for lectures like "VAGUE INTRODUCTION TO STATISTICS: How to Not Have Anything Taught to You."

But it makes me feel like I belong at Bournemouth, far more than I did at U of T, when my fellow anthropologists start heckling the lecturer for being terrible at his job. Which they did. God save the queen.

On another note, we have almost all our boxes from Japan...but my DVDs are still missing. It wouldn't be the worst thing to lose, but I really hope they arrive. I just can't think of where they might be- as far as I can tell, we've received all our stuff. Would someone really steal a bunch of DVDs from a sealed shipping box? The PS3 and all of our games arrived just fine.

FAKE LOCATION: LJ is really convinced I live in Nuneaton.

I feel really grumpy tonight, for some reason. I guess I feel a little bit trapped- not because I got married (shut up, Chris, I know you were gonna say it) but because I feel like I'm so far from my friends, and I can't leave the country for a while, and I don't exactly have a ton of money (and Ryan is earning exactly zero because he can't invoice before he gets his visa).

Maybe I'm a little steamed at him, I don't know. For no reason, I guess. Just annoyed.

I'm bleh. And Halloween will probably suck.


TODAY, LJ ERRONEOUSLY BELIEVES I LIVE IN: Nuneaton again?!

Hi, guys!

You know makes me laugh every time? When people write "dairy" instead of "diary."

Examples:

"I can't find my dairy!!!! This is so embarrassing!"

"I can't make it through the day without my dairy."

"Wait, sorry- that's not a hilarious hipster blog post, it's my dairy."


I am short and easily amused.

LJ HAS LOCATION ISSUES: Today, LJ believes me to be somewhere called "Nuneaton." Nun better than Bournemouth, I say!

Man, I just lookeded through all my LJ icons and they're good fun!

I have to be in lab tomorrow starting at 10 AM because ARGH that's why. I have lab 10-11, and class 2-4. Oh, my frigging god. I don't have enough time to procure wedding lingerie and clean my house. I can't even find baking soda!

Don't tell my mom (because she doesn't need the encouragement...I'm a size eight and she calls me fat all fucking day) but I've been going to the gym again. Took an aerobics class today, of all things. My legs actually hurt! Ryan runs at least 10k every fucking day; I cannot let him kick my ass.

Japan Post sucks. They lost one of my suitcases.

Okay, I'm way too draaaaank to updates.

FAKE EDIT: Now LJ thinks I'm in Coventry. IT'S BOURNEMOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!