NOW mostly KINDA largely FRIENDS-ONLY

BECAUSE YOU ARE PROBABLY A JERK

Comment to be added and prove you're not a jerk. Yep.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Your Mom!

1. Your Mom can squeeze her entire body through a hole the size of her beak.
2. Some hotels in Las Vegas have Your Mom floating in their swimming pools.
3. The Australian billygoat plum contains a hundred times more Vitamin C than Your Mom.
4. If every star in the Milky Way was a grain of salt they would fill Your Mom.
5. Until the 1960s, Your Mom was not allowed to enter Disneyland.
6. More people are killed by Your Mom each year than die in aeroplane accidents.
7. Your Mom has a bifurcated penis.
8. Europe is the only continent that lacks Your Mom.
9. Native Americans never actually ate Your Mom; killing such a timid prey was thought to indicate laziness!
10. Your Mom is the male seed of a flower blossom which has been gathered and treated by bees.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Dear foreign customers:

I'm sorry, we don't accept Canadian money.

As it is from Canada.

Thank you.

So, hello.

Instead of writing a huge fuck-off post about every tiny thing I've been doing, here is a concise list from when left for Japan in 2008 until now.

1. Moved to Japan. Lost any hope of a stable internet connection because of the shitty, crazy guesthouse I was living in.

I'm planning a series of posts about my fucked-up Japan adventures, but for now, let's just say that where I was living and the people I was living with? Yiiiiiiiiikes.

2. (March-April, 2008) Got a kidney infection. Still don't know why. Almost died and ended up in the hospital for a week. It was boring AND they made me poop in a plastic measuring device.

3. Met guy who I've referred to here as LrB. He was a douche with a LOT OF SEXUAL ISSUES. (Late April, maybe?)

4. Moved into a new apartment after a wonderful, racist adventure that, again, I will write about later (June 2009).

5. We broke up on September 11th, 2009. I forgot...TO CARE. Ahahahaha.

4. Met Ryan on October 18th, 2009. Life starts getting spectacular.

5. December 2009- end up back in the hospital with pneumonia or mono. Japanese medicine apparently cannot separate the two. I miss going to India with my family because I'm too sick to get on the plane.

6. Leave my job at ECC in late March and start at a great new job.

7. Ooops, my lungs gave out! I quit working in the summer of 2010 and Ryan and I decide to move to England, where the weather hurts a lot less.

8. Escape Japan September 21st.

9. Get married October 18th (yep, on our one-year anniversary.)

10. Life is awesome for a consistently long period of time.

11. Ryan gets new job, moves back to the US in May 2011.

12. I move to the US, August 2011.


So, hello from America! More details to follow later in a locked post.

P.S. Did Grandma stop farting?

I think I might get back to posting. Anyone still read this after all this time?

EDIT: I'm gonna go 100 entries back on my FL. Unless there are too many community posts, maybe I can catch up with you guys a little.

To all the people saying shite things about me base don my recent post in customers_suck:

Lulzypops!

Also, I farted. Again. Smelllllll iiiitttt.

Sometimes, I kinda love acting like a troll.

Seriously, the next person to think I'm 18 gets a faceful of PUNCHING.

It's flattering? Yeah, sure, except everyone thinks I'm a CHILD BRIDE!

(My keyboard is crappy and wrote "CHILDBRDE" which I think also sounds like a bad thing to be.)

Oh, and the next person to scream "You're marrrRRRRIIIIEEEED?!" on a rising note gets a faceful of what's left from the people who think I'm a teenager.

That said, shit, I probably could have kept smoking if I look so young.


This week sucks; I had a test and it's "Research Methods" week, which means I've had to get up at 7 for lectures like "VAGUE INTRODUCTION TO STATISTICS: How to Not Have Anything Taught to You."

But it makes me feel like I belong at Bournemouth, far more than I did at U of T, when my fellow anthropologists start heckling the lecturer for being terrible at his job. Which they did. God save the queen.

On another note, we have almost all our boxes from Japan...but my DVDs are still missing. It wouldn't be the worst thing to lose, but I really hope they arrive. I just can't think of where they might be- as far as I can tell, we've received all our stuff. Would someone really steal a bunch of DVDs from a sealed shipping box? The PS3 and all of our games arrived just fine.

FAKE LOCATION: LJ is really convinced I live in Nuneaton.

I feel really grumpy tonight, for some reason. I guess I feel a little bit trapped- not because I got married (shut up, Chris, I know you were gonna say it) but because I feel like I'm so far from my friends, and I can't leave the country for a while, and I don't exactly have a ton of money (and Ryan is earning exactly zero because he can't invoice before he gets his visa).

Maybe I'm a little steamed at him, I don't know. For no reason, I guess. Just annoyed.

I'm bleh. And Halloween will probably suck.


TODAY, LJ ERRONEOUSLY BELIEVES I LIVE IN: Nuneaton again?!

Hi, guys!

You know makes me laugh every time? When people write "dairy" instead of "diary."

Examples:

"I can't find my dairy!!!! This is so embarrassing!"

"I can't make it through the day without my dairy."

"Wait, sorry- that's not a hilarious hipster blog post, it's my dairy."


I am short and easily amused.

LJ HAS LOCATION ISSUES: Today, LJ believes me to be somewhere called "Nuneaton." Nun better than Bournemouth, I say!

Man, I just lookeded through all my LJ icons and they're good fun!

I have to be in lab tomorrow starting at 10 AM because ARGH that's why. I have lab 10-11, and class 2-4. Oh, my frigging god. I don't have enough time to procure wedding lingerie and clean my house. I can't even find baking soda!

Don't tell my mom (because she doesn't need the encouragement...I'm a size eight and she calls me fat all fucking day) but I've been going to the gym again. Took an aerobics class today, of all things. My legs actually hurt! Ryan runs at least 10k every fucking day; I cannot let him kick my ass.

Japan Post sucks. They lost one of my suitcases.

Okay, I'm way too draaaaank to updates.

FAKE EDIT: Now LJ thinks I'm in Coventry. IT'S BOURNEMOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

England is pretty good, y'all. Childhood dream achievement FTW. I've been thinking about writing for a few days, but I don't know when I'll have time. Blaaaaargh.

My wedding is next Monday. That should sound so weird! it doesn't, though. Except for the fact that my mother has been crazier than usual these past few months, I'm excited. Except four out of the five vendors I am dealing with for my tiny fucking 14-person wedding are ASS JERK BUTTS.

School is okay; last week was our first week of classes. I got very cocky during the human bone classes--

GIRL; What's this?
ANNA: Palatine! *pow* Ulna! *blam* Pubis! *bamf*

--but had my comeuppance in Zooarchaeology:

PROFESSOR: Anna, can I have the metacarpal?
ANNA: *is confused by sheep bits, holds out the tibia with a look of panic.

Oh, well.

Also, I joined the kayaking club for no apparent reason. I've never kayaked. Kayakked? Aw, jeebus.

and in case you were wondering...I DON'T miss Japan.

FAKE EDIT: According to LJ's location detection function (shun shun shun) I am in Melton Mowbray. I assure you, LJ, I am not.

Japan Post. Oh, Japan Post. SO efficient, yet SO anal. They want such precise itemization, and woe unto you if your box contains an item they don't have a translation for!

As far as I can tell, here are some rules:

1. "Clothes" is not acceptable, you must list every individual item by type.

2. There is no such thing as "Kitchen equipement" or "kitchen items," but you may have "kitchen goods."

3. For decorative items, list as shoes, because there is no point in trying to find a definition that fits.

4. Actually, just list everything as shoes. It explains why your boxes are so heavy, yet have only four items listed due to space constraints.

5. If you have an unusual last name, you may be asked if that is your name. Three or four times.

6. Your recipient needs to have something written as a fax number, even if you just get fed up and write "(1) 234-567-8900" on the form for the sake of continuing international friendship.

7. They secretly have a very good English phrase book at every post office. Do not allow them to act like they don't.

AAAAAAAAARGH

It's this guy:



Lord Lichfield, from If Charlie Parker was a gunslinger there'd be a lot of dead copycats.

Fucking YEAH.

losing it

A four-pack of frozen Amy's veggie burgers costs 1200 yen, or about thirteen-fitty. A box of "Nature's Burger" mix costs 400 yen and tastes way better. Plus, I can get about six meals out of the box of mix, and only four of the packaged ones- less, the way Ryan eats.

So, things are progressing. My "best" friend is being a megatwat and not speaking to me, but whatever. I'm trying to finish up everything I wanted to do before I leave, but I don't have the money or time. I think I'll be back in Japan someday, so it's not such a big deal, but I doubt it will be anytime soon. I need to not be here.

I'm just so ready to start a new friggin' life. Less than three weeks!

MACAULY CULKIN CANNOT BE 30.




THAT IS FUCKED UP.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH I CANNOT WAIT TO LEAVE TOKYO.

It is Churchillian in its necessity for complicated description. It is a ball of corn-studded feces wrapped in a miasma of cigarette smoke shrouded in an air of profound disappointment wrapped in a box of betrayal and sent by Racist Fucking Post.

Leaving Japan in about 55 days!

<3

Well, actually, I'm leaving in 4 to go to Malaysia and then on to England for about a week. But you know what I mean.

I don't even think we have the right kind of boxes. X_x;;

Today was kind of stressful. My mother sent me some really bad news (nothing life-threatening or, like, an emergency, but just something I didn't need to hear), and then one of my more confounding exes decided to throw a hissy fit, which was....oh, I don't know. Annoying. THEN I had an asthma attack while trying to take a walk.

Plus I stubbed my toe REALLY hard.

;_;

Tomorrow, I am supposed to be partying with homies and DINOSAURS, so let's hope that happens.

Sometimes you know people, and you have to just accept that even if they claim to be your friends or somesuch, they just generally disapprove of you and will eventually try to knock you down for no reason.

Why I'm Leaving Japan Puzzle Piece #2842.5: People are fucking craaaaaazy here. And them's just the FOREIGNERS.